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BLOG: A Voice In The World - From the heart of Ginny Dye
Feb. 18, 2013
I'm Glad I Chose to Live
I remember the days when hope was non-existent.
I remember the days when all I wanted to do was end the pain.
I remember the days when death beckoned to me like a long-lost friend.
I fought my way through to Life, Hope & Joy-Filled days.
Country music singer, Mindy McCready did not.
She killed herself on Sunday, February 17, 2013. She
was 37 years old. My heart goes out to her and to the
ones she has left behind.
Mindy had this to say in January, 2012. "I haven't had a
hit in almost a decade. I've spent my fortune, tarnished
my public view and made myself the brunt of punch line
after punch line.
I've been beaten, sued, robbed, arrested, jailed, and
evicted.
But I'm still here. With a handful of people that I know and
trust, a revived determination, and both middle fingers up in the air, I'm ready. I've been here before. I'm a fighter. I'm down, but I'll never be out."
Until she lost hope.
Until she lost the ability to believe life could be better – that she could make it better.
Mindy is one person. One person who shines the light on the lack of hope that permeates so many people’s lives.
Are you one of them? Do you know one of them?
Will you let Mindy’s death be a wake-up call? For yourself? For someone you care about?
Suicide happens because people lose hope. For that moment they can’t see beyond the darkness and pain. The present overshadows everything, and they choose to stop the clock.
Nothing will bring Mindy back. Nothing will bring back the million people around the world who make this decision every year.
If people commit suicide because they have lost hope, the question
should become how to hold on to HOPE.
Hope is the bird that sings to the dawn while it is still dark.
This is my all-time favorite description of hope – one that resonates in
my heart continually. It really says it all…
You hold on to hope by letting your imagination project yourself into
the future. You paint a picture in your mind of what you want for your life,
regardless of what it is like right now.
In my dark days of dealing with childhood abuse, when the pain was a pillow suffocating any ability to draw a breath, I painted a picture of what could be…
I surrounded myself with pictures and images of what could be… of what I wanted… and I held on to them when I believed I would never deserve or have them. I made a choice every single day.
I chose to believe that while no-one (including me) has total control of their life, I DO have the power and ability to create anything I want. I can’t control the road to get there, but I believe I do have the power to create the outcome – if I’m willing to navigate the twists and turns.
No one chooses pain… no one chooses the mantle of depression… no one chooses abuse… no one chooses loss.
But we can all choose Life in the midst of reality. We can choose to believe that while our road may not be the one we’ve chosen, we CAN end up in a much better place if we simply choose to keep moving forward.
When the voices rang in my head to choose death, I chose to surround myself with the evidence of what could be. I looked at my pictures. I read things that gave me hope. I studied the lives of people who had walked through the pain before me.
And, yes, I thought of the pain of the ones I would leave behind if I chose death. I do not believe suicide is a sin. I personally believe that people, bereft of hope, who make that final decision are wrapped up in God’s loving arms as soon as they take their last breath.
But the people who are left behind… their lives are wracked with pain as they deal with grief, loss & guilt. They spend their life asking questions, and wondering if they have reason to hold on to hope.
I didn’t want to be the cause of that for anyone. I’m grateful now that my desire to spare anyone that kind of pain helped me hold on to life and hope when I didn’t care about myself.
Perhaps the most important thing I did was journal. Having a place to pour out my feelings and thoughts was the true lifesaver for me. Being able to put it all into words made it seem somehow manageable. As the pain poured out, my writing made room for answers and solutions. It paved the way for hope.
It made me believe that I could be the bird that sings to the dawn while it is still dark.
I chose hope.
I chose to sing through my writing. I chose to write stories & books filled with hope and light. I chose to be a Voice In The World.
My great hope is that you will choose HOPE – that you will choose to sing to the dawn while it is still dark.
Blessings,
Ginny
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